Mommy: Finder of Lost Objects

The following story reminds me of the bit Roseanne used to do when she was a stand-up comedienne. She talked about how her uterus was apparently a detector for lost objects around the house. I've always suspected that she was right...

This morning, Matthew, my 8 year old, was searching for last month's Lego Magazine. He couldn't find it and became very upset. As I was driving him to school, we had this conversation:

Matthew: When I get home from school, you need to help me find it!
Me: Why should I help you find it? You should have put it in your room.
Matthew: You should know where my things are.
Me: Well, if that's the case then you should know where my things are.
Matthew: No!
Me: Why not?
Matthew: Because you're the mom!

Future Elf in da House

Matthew, as you know if you follow my blog, is my very unique and interesting 8 year old. He loves Christmas more than anyone I know. His favorite colors are red and green, and his room reflects that.

After taking the boys to see Arthur Christmas, Matthew has decided he wants to be an elf. Actually, it's all he talks about lately (between singing Christmas carols and talking incessantly about all things Christmas and becoming an elf). Here's what he's devised to get Santa's attention.

Note to Santa #1

Note to Santa #2

Here's the note to Santa outside his bedroom door, cause we wouldn't want Santa to miss where his room is.

And, last but not least, the note to Santa on his bedside table to indicate exactly where he is (pointing to his bed).

Gotta love him!

Listen Carefully

Yesterday was an interesting day in our household. Here are some outtakes:

I asked Matthew if he was listening to me. He looks at me all innocent and says:
"I'm not really in a listening mood right now."

Typical conversation in my house:
Dad: I have the munchies.
Matthew (8): The monkeys?
Dad: The munchies.
Andrew (12): Monk cheese? I wonder if that tastes good.
Dad: Sure it does. In fact, monks make the best cheese ever.
Andrew: I don't think that even exists.
Matthew: It exists in your world, Dad.

We have another addition to Matthew's Unabridged Dictionary:
Clicky Tocks (n): Clock with hands, not digital.

And last, but not least, we file this one under Things you don't want other people to overhear:
We took hubby's truck to the store. I'm maneuvering grocery bags in the back seat and keep hitting Matthew's legs much to his exasperation and some pain. Matthew says:
"She's hitting me again! This time with the groceries!"

Do Crazy Parents Breed Crazy Children?

So, I recently had a request to write something more about my crazy kiddos, and started wondering why they are so cra-za-zy... Then I looked in the mirror while simultaneously thinking about my husband. My wondering stopped there.

Here are some more memorable moments and interactions we've had with the kids:

A new addition to Matthew's Unabridged Dictionary v.1 --

Side Butt: (n) hip.

(Staying with the hip theme)

Matthew, on pregnancy:

"When you have babies, your hips accelerate and turn into hu-normous things... I mean hips."

I was so pleased to find out that I was Matthew's "very best mom". Of course, I thought I was his ONLY mom - but that's neither here nor there.

Apparently, we have one kid who says he can dance in French & another who wears "long sleeved" pants.

From Matthew's Survival Guide:

"Never swallow sea water. It can kill you. Fish pee in it."

Andrew trying to convince hubby to buy a riding mower:

Hubby: "You & Mom are really working hard to get me to buy a riding mower. Why should I?"

Andrew: "Well, you're not getting any younger."

I'm sure there will be more, they still have a few years here at home.

Should be interesting...

Oh Matthew!

As many of my friends and family members know, Matthew (soon-to-be 8) is a veritable font of innocent kid quips. While Andrew is, as my mother calls him "the Professor", Matthew gives us life through the eyes of, well, Matthew.

Here are some of my favorite Matthew interactions.

Matthew asks for a bowl of Trix for an after school snack. I pour him a bowl. He says it's too much and proceeds to put about 5 pieces of cereal back into the box before proclaiming that now it's just right.

Matthew: "Daddy, can I have an ice cream sandwich?"
Daddy: "No."
Matthew: "Yay, I get to have an ice cream sandwich!"
Daddy: "I said, no."
Matthew: "I'm so happy I get to have an ice cream sandwich!"
Daddy: " Hellooo! I said no!"
Matthew: "Daddy, can I have my ice cream sandwich now?"
(Ah, the power of positive thought.)

Andrew was explaining to Matthew that you can't foresee the consequences of changing the past. That it would be possible that if you stopped Lincoln's assassination you could end up with monkeys ruling the world.
Matthew's response: "Are they mean monkeys?"

Matthew (when he was almost 7) finds the sheet for Andrew's spelling bee --
"Mom, look, the thing for Andrew's Spelling Bee. Hey, why isn't there a Spelling A?"

My hope is that he'll continue seeing the world through his own eyes and not be affected by how those around him see things. He's such a free spirit, and I'd hate to see him lose that. It's such a precious trait and will serve him well. He's my out-of-the-box thinker and keeps me on my toes!

Can Boys Watch Too Much Military Channel?

So, I have to say that being a mom to two boys is really pretty cool. As I was pondering some of those things, I started to think about things that little boys are interested in that typically girls aren't. Which leads me to the following question...

How do you know if your kids are watching too much of the Military Channel?

1. Driving home from school...
Me: Matthew, how was school?
Matt: Art was fun!
Me: What'd you do in Art?
Matt: That's classified.

2. Driving to BK...
Andrew: I really want to write a mean letter to someone... Must be the testosterone.

3. Matthew informed us that he is an "innocent civilian child."

4. Driving to go grocery shopping, Matthew sees the Girl Scouts out selling cookies in the lot. He asks if we can buy some. I tell him we don't have any cash, but we'll return. He says we can "infiltrate" them from behind, he will run and yell at them, then we can duct tape them and get the cookies.

Nuff said.